Morose Innocence; Charred Love
by Zany
Summary: They've been together since Hogwarts, professed their love, and know it's all falling apart. Draco betrays Harry. Harry attacks Voldemort. Both unaware of the others love. Both slowly dying. Ron's P.O.V. now up! Please Read & Review
1. How it All Began

****

A/N: This is my first fic. I know that it's disjointed in parts, but it's like that for a reason. 

I'm including this chapter, as background to the thoughts. I'm hoping that eventually, the background as well will be written as an actual fic.

I would love feedback to this, as this is my first fic! ~ Enjoy! ~

__

****

Warning: This fic does contain slash. Slash being the relationship between m/m couplings. If you don't like slash, you've been warned! Although sexual references are limited, it is still essentially slash!

****

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Except for the very basic plot, which almost isn't a plot, so basically, I own nothing! All credit goes toward J.K. Rowling, who without her incredible imagination, and knack for character perfection, we would not have these wonderful characters to borrow when our own warped imaginations feel the need to escape.

****

How it All Began

Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, never planned to fall in love. Sure, he had his crushes, but _love_, well love was something completely different, and not something that he planned to experience. After all, he attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he had plenty of friends, a family which he could almost call his own, a godfather who would risk his life for him, he already had love, he didn't need to fall in love.

So, when Harry entered his 6th year at Hogwarts, and formed an unusual friendship with his meant to be nemesis Draco Malfoy, he immediately put his growing feelings down to lust. However as the two boys grew closer, Harry realised that, despite his resolve not to fall in love, he was indeed falling in love with none other than, Draco Malfoy. 

Like Harry, Draco didn't want to fall in love, all his life he had been told that love was a weakness. He had been trained in the dark arts, taught to hate, and yet despite his better judgement, he realised he was falling in love with the Boy-Who-Lived.

Slowly but surely the two boys came to terms with their growing love for each other and resolved that no matter what, they would always love the other. 

Sadly, such proclamations of love were premature. Two years after the boys had completed their studies at Hogwarts; Draco betrayed Harry and his love for Harry, so as to be considered as Lord Voldemort's most faithful servant, and be truly loved and respected.

The plan back fired and Harry defeated Lord Voldemort and attempted to walk away from the pain that his love had caused him, denying his hearts continual love of the man who betrayed him. Like Harry, Draco had kept his promise to always love Harry, but Draco had been harmed in Harry's attack on Lord Voldemort and was unable to tell Harry in his weakened state that he had not betrayed Harry because he wanted to attack Harry, but because he loved him. 

Despite all odds, and unknown to the other, both Harry and Draco had kept their promise and loved each other whole heartedly, no matter what.


	2. Reflections of Betrayal

****

A/N: These are the thoughts of Harry Potter. It's kind of different (I hope). Also, I would love constructive feedback to this! Again, this is Harry's P.O.V.

**__**

Warning: Slight slash! If you don't like slash, you've been warned!

****

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing! J.K. Rowling owns it all!

__ ****

Reflections of Betrayal

Kiss me.

Hold me.

Love me.

Leave me.

Why?

Days, months, years.

All gone.

Still I don't understand. I will never understand.

Leaving me to battle the evil, which resides in darkness.

Never realising the pain **_I_** went through. The anguish **_I _**felt.

Love for none but your self.

You never _really_ loved me.

You say you did. Lied through your teeth.

You say you understand. How could you?

I hate you.

I hate **_him_**.

I hate me.

Love. You don't know what love is!

You need.

I need.

We all need. But what you needed, wasn't what I needed was it? No. You didn't care what **_I_** needed, only what you needed.

I needed you.

I tried.

I wished.

I prayed.

I cried.

But what did you do? You abandoned me!

Turned your affections to him.

I wish I could say it's all **_his_** fault, but I know it's yours as much as his. 

Didn't you ever wonder how it would affect me?

You never asked. Just let it be.

I dreamed. Lots of dreams.

Good… Bad… Both…

And each time, I knew that you would be there, knew that I could turn to you.

But you **_betrayed_** me when I need you the most.

You told me you loved me.

Told me to always look to our love.

Told me always believe.

I believed. Always… until you turned it against me.

You told me to look to the light.

That way I would always be safe.

You **_LIED!_**

I wasn't always safe.

They came for me. I saw them clearly.

Leering.

Snarling.

Smirking.

Then **_he_** was there with them. Leering. Snarling. Smirking. And laughing.

Cruel, cold, laughter.

He scared me.

He wanted to scare me. Trying to attack me. Trying to finally get me.

Never quite getting there. Always trying.

I knew that the only way to get away was to have you with me.

But you didn't want to be with me.

NO! You were happier with him.

Manipulating my feelings against me.

Letting him feed off your lustful love.

Carving scars around my heart. Breaking me in every way possible.

Light.

Dark.

Happy.

Sad.

Did you ever _really_ notice me?

I think not.

Sure, you pretended to. Feeding off my love. Creating raw emotions to play against me.

I began to realise that I didn't need you.

Never did.

Never would again.

But I didn't realise that you would one day need me.

How could I?

**__**

He was always there.

Always taking you away.

Never letting you notice that I was there.

But you didn't care. You didn't want to notice me.

**__**

NEVER!

I longed to be noticed by you.

HA! How naïve!

How was I supposed to know?

You played my love and turned it against me.

I was innocent.

You convinced me there would always be love.

Again… You **_LIED!_**

Took away my hope, my life. Just let it go. And let my innocence go.

Now you need me.

Plead with me.

Adore me.

Dying you finally concede your love to me.

I turn away.

Brittle bones break.

Hardened hearts ache.

Tired tears torment me.

I've never not loved you.

Never not cared.

Never not been with you.

But, you betrayed me.

Broke my heart. Denied my love. All for him.

You will never know the pain you caused.

Never know the hatred you conjured.

Now, like you, I turn my back.

Not looking back.

Heart and soul destroyed.

Not daring to love again.

To care again.

To lose you again.

Shattered limbs exhausted collapse.

Pain over-riding sense.

Death over-coming life.

Hurt mixed with hate.

Love mingled with betrayal.

Confusion and denial.

Never again.

Hurt.

Heart.

Hope.

Hell.


	3. Desperation of Love

****

A/N: Herein lie the thoughts of Draco Malfoy. This is loosely inspired by the song 'Jealous Guy', by John Lennon. Also, I would love constructive feedback to this! Again, the is Draco's P.O.V.

**__**

Warning: Slight slash! If you don't like slash, you've been warned!

****

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing! J.K. Rowling owns it all! Apart from the lyrics, which belong to John Lennon, from the song 'Jealous Guy'.

****

Desperation of Love

__

"I was dreaming of the past, and my heart was beating fast. I began to lose control; I didn't mean to hurt you... I was feeling insecure, you might not love me anymore… I was swallowing my pain, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry that I made you cry. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm just a jealous guy. "

****

'Jealous Guy', John Lennon

Blood. Deep crimson blood cascades down my face. All I see is blood. And you.

Yes, I see you.

Shadow illuminated by hurt. Pain erupting from a broken heart.

I love you.

And yet, I know you hate me. 

I deserve your hate.

Deserve your anger.

But I never deserved you.

You don't know how much it hurts me to see you hurting. I know it's all my fault. But, what other choice did I have?

Surrender to your honest love? Or, have **_his_** undying respect?

Damn you! 

I loved you. 

I still love you.

Don't you know why I did what I did? I did it for **_you_**! 

Traded my life, my love, for **_you_**. Letting you get away from me. Away from my selfishness, away from my unscrupulousness. 

I couldn't change. Corrupted be evil, degeneration was inevitable. 

You deserved someone better.

**__**

He offered me the world. 

Promised success. 

Promised power. 

Promised respect.

__

All for me!

I thought my love was a small sacrifice for all he offered.

I was wrong.

Heart thumping.

Head spinning.

I see you.

Spirit broken.

Soul destroyed.

Confused and hurt.

Anger and disappointment twisting irrationally together. 

Hate.

Don't you know that I have always loved you?

Placed my life, my ambition, my soul on the line for you?

No. You don't know. 

I betrayed you.

I can't deny my actions.

Passion and ambition colliding together. 

Destroyers of jealousy.

Strangling me.

Suffocating me.

Forcing me to betray my heart.

Pretending it didn't matter. 

Didn't hurt. 

Didn't crush me.

Soul mangled. Essence of life evaporated.

Emotions corroded away to nothing.

Cold. Empty. Heartless. 

I couldn't help but enjoy it.

Revelling in power and glory. 

Emotions askew.

Light and free.

Yes, I enjoyed it.

Enjoyed his praise.

Enjoyed his understanding.

It was me. 

It was what I was born to be.

You know me. I couldn't run from it. 

Bittersweet enjoyment clouded by pure hatred.

In the same way I enjoyed it, I hated it.

Hated hurting you.

Using you.

Destroying you.

Betraying you.

Love manipulated.

Turned to hate.

Greed.

Arrogance.

Ignorance.

Jealousy.

I pretended not to realise what I was doing.

Tried to hide my actions from my heart.

Closed my mind and soul.

Death would have been easier.

Even now I don't understand why I continued craving attention from **_him_**. 

Don't understand why I turned my back on your love.

Shirked my emotional responsibilities, and destroyed my life. 

Controlling my life, he knew how to entice me. 

Slowly turning heart on heart, I realised I could never live without you.

Words run rampant in my mind. 

Useless, meaningless words. 

Love. Hate. Life. Death. Pain. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. And Love. Love. Love. Love.

Cold tears slide down my face.

I can feel your eyes bore into me.

I was blinded. Mosaics of jealousy danced in my light.

Yes, I was jealous.

Jealous of you.

Jealous of their attention of you.

Flaming red and bushy brown ever persistent.

Continual love, never faltering.

I couldn't give to you what they could.

Couldn't hold you and love you the way you desired.

The way you deserved. Not the way they could.

They could stand by you. 

Love you.

Hold you.

Know you.

Better than I ever could. Ever would.

So I turned my back, closed my heart.

Convinced myself that _he_ could give to me what I could not give to you.

Gave myself over, resentful of you, resentful of your love.

I was a fool.

Naïve of love.

I learnt I could never run from you.

Learnt that _he _was just an instrument to hide my soul with.

Realised that I would always love you.

Could never hurt you.

Too late.

Time wasted, all gone.

He played my soul with a bow.

Destroyed you. Destroyed me.

I lie here, slowly dying.

Desperation of love erupting.

Reaching out to you.

Begging you to forgive me.

To love me the way I love you.

I need you.

Need you to love me.

Need you to hold me.

Need you to adore me.

Please don't leave me.

Please, don't turn away.

Please, listen to me.

I love you. I have always loved you. I will continue to love you.

**__**

Always.


	4. Observations of Disaster

****

A/N: Sorry this has taken so long in coming, to put it simply, I've been lazy! Thanks to all those who reviewed, it's what inspired me to continue! These are the thoughts of Ron Weasley - It's kind of different. When reading, keep in mind that Ron is Harry's best friend. Also, like usual, I would love feedback to this! 

**__**

Warning: Slash! If you don't like slash, you've been warned!

****

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing! J.K. Rowling owns it all!

****

Observations of Disaster

Betrayer of love. 

Slave of evil.

Believer of love.

Knight of honour.

Together. One.

Out of burning hatred, love was forged.

A cursed love. An evil love. A disaster.

I knew he would betray you.

Knew he would leave you.

But, you would never listen to me. 

My voice, a distant echo. You were shrouded in love's pure gaze. 

I was an spectator of love's twisted game.

Watching slowly the barriers break. Given way to idiocy. 

Daring to challenge, to love. Fooled by lust. Convinced of love.

Amidst the lurid chaos you played the game.

A child's game. a muggle game.

Silly chants corrupting the air.

__

Harry and Draco sitting in a tree.

K I S S I N G.

First comes love.

Love. You once told me you never needed love. Of course you needed love. We all need love. But you were naïve. Confident you had all you'd ever need. 

Then he came. 

Thrown together by fate's devilish hand.

Friendship forming from hate. Understandings of loneliness and despair binding together. 

Lust turned to love. Souls connected eternally.

Intimate words spoken.

Devoured.

Believed.

Past forgotten, you relished in his love.

Days. Months. Years.

I watched.

I knew.

I failed.

I couldn't stop you from loving him.

Couldn't stop you from believing him.

But, I could've stopped you from turning your back on him.

I see the pain in his eyes.

Eyes filled with anguish.

Torment.

Guilt.   
Love.

I saw him betray you. Saw him go to _his _side.

Then, I saw him break.

Heart and soul destroyed. 

Love shinning true.

Playing ignorant, you run.

Leaving behind anguished cries.

I see how hard it is for you.

Agony and betrayal mixing together.

Love evident, denied.

Fear.

I stand. Amidst the debris. Once again observing disaster.

Amazed at your determination, I wonder.

Calling on courage I call out, beg you to listen.

Earth shuddering under heavy footsteps, you move forward. 

Stubborn in your ways. 

You ignore my calls.

Ignore your heart.

I move. 

Standing over him I see his fear. 

Feel his pain. 

Know his love.

I kick him. Hard.

Strangled screams puncture the air.

I look to you; still you do not turn. 

Do not stop.

Again, I kick him. Silently praying, begging you to turn.

Tortured screams fill the air. Resounding endlessly. 

He's dying.

Slowly.

Painfully.

Physical pain long forgotten. Emotional pain consuming.

Blood and betrayal surround him. 

Replicas of your love.

Mustering strength he cries out.

Tears flowing.

Love yearning.

Guilt boiling.

Heart broken.

Soul destroyed.

Strength faltering.

Again, he cries out. 

Desperately seeking you. Begging you to turn.

Pleading with you to stop. To listen.

Heart long broken, you stop. 

Collapse.

Now, like you I turn.

Observer of disaster.

Keeper of secrets.

Friend.

Love beckons you.

Betrayal haunts you.

Uncertainty clings.

Always watching I leave.

Heart lightened.

Soul happier.

Disaster averted.

Hate and love.

Together.

One.

****

A/N 2: Hope you enjoyed it. Sadly though, this is NOT the end. The next, and final chapter, should be out by the weekend. But, before then, please, REVIEW!


End file.
